Do You Get My Point?

So today was another day at the hospital. A day just like any other, except that for a few minutes, today was special. It was my day to give meds and my patient was to receive a heparin injection in his abdomen!!!

YES!!!

Don't ask me why, but I have been looking forward to giving an injection for a very long time. Possibly because I am completely terrorized by shots. I know. Go figure. When I was 12, my mother was invited by our pediatrician to never take me to his office ever again. Because when he was trying to give me a shot in the bum, it took my mother, 2 nurses and him to hold me down, and I still managed to get a foot out (while upside down, mind you) and into his gut and sent him flying across the room into the wall. Yes, I was 12.

So this morning I found out the whole meds thing was a go, and what did I do? I turned into a puddle of blubbering mush. I was sweating (we nurses say diaphoretic, but I'm trying not to lose you, my lay audience), my heart was pounding, I couldn't think. I could barely tell you my name if I had to. Really, I wanted to sit down and have a good cry. I was seriously re-thinking this whole career choice. Because I've never done that before.

I kept my instructor locked with me in the 2' by 3' medicine room for 10 minutes, so I could practice injecting water through a piece of paper over and over again.

Because guess how many times I've practiced giving somebody an injection.

Did you say ZERO times? Because if you did, you'd be right. I've never stuck a needle in anybody. Well, except for my own finger in class, but I never told anybody about that. Because that's just plain stupid, not to mention bad technique.

What I did do to prepare for this big moment was to stick a plastic pad in class a total of 3 times about 2 months ago. That seemed quite adequate in class. But today in the hospital? Not so much.

To be honest, I've thought that many times recently. For instance, I'm allowed to do ridiculous things in the hospital. I have complete respect for my patients, and I treat them all as if they're all my own mom, dad, brother and sister, because I believe that patients deserve that respect, but who am I to give them a FULL physical assessment? I mean, I get that I'm learning and all, and this is what nurses do, but sometimes I just want to say, "Seriously, people. Should I be DOING this? Because this is crotchal and I don't know this guy!" Because sometimes I feel like I'm just Kristin. Not Kristin the Nurse.

But I digress.

So after I wigged out in the medicine room for 10 minutes, and had my teacher dying laughing, she dragged me out, meds and syringe in hand.

On the way to the patient's room, my classmate saw my syringe. Her eyes got big and she said, "OOOOH! Can I watch?" Because she knows me and she knew that this was likely to be really good, if not a complete train wreck. So I said sure, she could watch. Why not, right?

So the 3 of us trooped into my wonderful patient's room like a line of penguins and I announced that I was there to give him his meds and his heparin shot. And then guess what I did? I acted just like I owned the place, like I invented injections. I gave him his meds, gave his belly a scrub, stuck that needle in there, pushed the plunger and that was that! Next!

My friend (whose mouth was hanging open, thank you) and my teacher congratulated me profusely and all but high-fived me, giving away the fact that I wasn't a pro. But man, was that FUN!

I couldn't wipe the smile off my face for a long time. Because now I'm official. I gave somebody a shot. And I was good. If I can brag for just 2 seconds - sometimes I pull out the most amazing calm when all I feel is panic. I like that about myself. Later in the day I was in my patient's room again and asked how his injection site was feeling, hoping to get some feedback. He knew he was my first victim, from the previous audience and applause and he said very positive and complimentary things. He said it didn't hurt at all. That was nice.

Anyway, see the picture at the top? That's exactly what today looked like. Except I wear a nerdy white zip-up-the-front uniform. Not cool green scrubs. Someday...